Thich Nhat Hahn
Thich Nhat Hahn Buddist Monk and Peace Activist, died last month at the age of 95. You’ve probably seen all of his lovely bits of wisdom floating around on the socials and some may wonder who this lovely light was in the world, and I invite you google away and learn about his fascinating life. What I can tell you is a little of what he meant to me.
This loss was a little heavy for me, as I have gone to Thich Nhat Hahn for comfort and guidance to make sense of all the ways I get fucked up around love and relationships. He distills all of the confusion down to the simplest of forms to make it all seem possible. I’m grateful we have access to his important words and musings that can be little mantras and validation when I am feeling more joy and delight in the realm of love and relationships.
So, I’m going to bring you some of my favorite bits from “How To Love”, by Thich Nhat Hahn in hopes you are able to make meaning to guide you through the month of February with all of it’s roses, candy, lingerie, hot dates, bad dates, pressure, and disappointment. I hope these nuggets will inspire you to take good care of yourself and beloveds everyday, so much so that you can’t help but fuck first (what ever that means to you).
Feeding Our Love
Each of us can learn the art of nourishing happiness and love. Everything needs food to live, even love. If we don’t know how to nourish our love, it withers. When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That’s why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness.
Recognizing True Love
True love gives us beauty, freshness, solidarity, freedom, and peace. True love includes a feeling of deep joy that we are alive. If we don’t feel this way when we feel love, then it’s not true love.
Distractions
Often, we get crushes on others not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person.
A True Partner
We tend to wonder if we have enough to offer in a relationship. We’re thirsty for truth, goodness, compassion, spiritual beauty, so we go looking outside. Sometimes we think we’ve found a partner who embodies all that is good, beautiful, and true. After a time, we usually discover that we’ve had a wrong perception of that person, and we become disappointed. A true partner or friend is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking.
Asking For Help
When you suffer, you may want to go to your room, lock the door, and cry. The person who hurt you is the last person you want to see. Even if he tries to approach you, you may still be very angry. But to get relief, you have to go to the person you love, the one who just hurt you very deeply, and ask for help. . . Open your mouth and say with all your heart and with all your concentration that you suffer and you need help.
Goodwill Is Not Enough
Your good intentions are not enough; you have to be artful. We may be filled with goodwill; we may be motivated by the desire to make the other person happy, but out of our clumsiness, we may make them unhappy. Walking, eating, breathing, talking, and working are all opportunities to practice creating happiness inside you and around you. Mindful living is an art, and each of us has to train to be an artist.
Love As An Offering
To love is not to possess the other person or to consume all their attention and love. To love is to offer the other person joy and a balm for their suffering, this capacity is what we have to learn to cultivate.
