What Is Sex Therapy?

Hellooo Darlings!

I’m back after a bit of a break to collect my thoughts and to retreat a bit into how I think about my work, rather than doing my work as a sex therapist. This time of reflection and rest is energizing and I am excited to bring a renewed sense of possibility and growth into our work.

For those of you I have the pleasure to work with, you know what sex therapy is all about. It may look a little different session to session as your life takes twists and turns into different areas of growth, or we may stay steady with a particular piece of work you’ve come to move through. For those of you I have not worked with, or for those curious about what happens in sex therapy, keep reading. . .

When I am asked, “what is sex therapy?” I often imagine myself sitting where you have sat to look for how to answer this question. 

Sex therapy is just how it sounds. We talk about sex, in specific detail. We talk about how it feels in your body, what is happening in your thoughts, what you are noticing in your relationship as it pertains to the giant umbrella of sex and sexuality. We talk about barriers to being the sexual being or having the sexual relationship or feeling the sensations you’d like to be, relate to, and feel. 

When defining sexuality, we may be talking about who you want to be sexual with, how you want to be sexual, how you feel about your sexual self, and how you feel in relation to your relationship(s). 

We get to delve into your past to understand who helped pack your bags in regards to your sexuality. We will look at your first models of love, affection, and romantic relationships, and where you sought and gained (or didn’t) care and comfort. We will travel into the depths of your early sexual experiences, and revisit past relationships where you learned how to be in a relationship. We’ll examine the current concern bringing you to sex therapy and unpack your understanding, how long you’ve been aware of this concern, how you’ve tried to address it, and what you hope to experience in our work together. 

In sex therapy, I like to start with the lowest levels of intervention, which is often providing good information and specific suggestions or experiments to try to see if that helps address the work you are coming to move through. This may include exercises with yourself or partner(s), a trip to a health care professional to have some part of your body evaluated, reading, podcasting, Ted-talking. 

Sometimes we need to sit in feelings and sensations and work on desensitizing, other times we need to take a detour and understand some deep rooted sexual, cultural, or religious sexual shame. Sometimes we need to grieve. 

We will decide together when you’ve come to do the work you’ve come to do, or if we need to change gears and work toward other goals. We exist within a collaboration and relationship in our therapy! That is one of the best interventions I have to offer you, our collaboration and relationship. 

See you soon!