Heeyy! This bit is for all my single humans out there. You may have a wide range of feelings about the month of Valentine’s and your singleness from indifference, delight, abilivialnce, sadness, rage, relief. Feel it baby. Whatever it is. Let yourself feel it. Your feelings reflect the moment of your life and your experiences, right now…

Thich Nhat Hahn Buddist Monk and Peace Activist, died last month at the age of 95. You’ve probably seen all of his lovely bits of wisdom floating around on the socials and some may wonder who this lovely light was in the world, and I invite you google away and learn about his fascinating life. What I can tell you is a little of what he meant to me…

I hope you’ve found some rest and joy amongst the myriad of other experiences you may have had in the last month. Speaking only for myself, there have been brief moments of rest, with lots of magic making, a terrible cold, excitement, cookie baking, stress, aggressive DOING…

So I’ve been thinking about dating a lot. Not only because I get to hear your harrowing tales, but also because I’ve joined the wilds of dating in the last year. Things look a little different in the dating world as a sex and relationship therapist than they did as a straight up social worker. While there may be some difference between non-sex and relationship therapists and myself, what I know to be true, is ultimately we are humans trying to connect in the myriad of ways we create meaning around connection…

For those of you I have the pleasure to work with, you know what sex therapy is all about. It may look a little different session to session as your life takes twists and turns into different areas of growth, or we may stay steady with a particular piece of work you’ve come to move through. For those of you I have not worked with, or for those curious about what happens in sex therapy, keep reading….

“Self Care” imho is a term we use ad nauseum to describe the “extra” or “special” things we do to survive the lives we’ve created for ourselves we dub “optional”, such as taking a bath, having a glass of wine, or booking a pedicure. While these things are delightful, consider instead that “self care” is the LOW BAR BASICS we must do to survive the lives we’ve created ourselves.

Intimacy is revealing yourself to your partner without misrepresenting who you are. Dr Schnarch writes, “to keep intimacy alive you eventually have to show parts of yourself you’ve never revealed, or don’t accept in yourself, or aren’t sure your partner will accept.” This sounds risky, and also unavoidable if we really want to get to the depths of emotional and erotic intimacy in our relationships.